


Patrick and the Angry Inch

by Stargatewars



Series: A Schitt Year [17]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 04:56:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18732031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stargatewars/pseuds/Stargatewars
Summary: Patrick is cast in the titular role in Hedwig and the Angry Inch.





	Patrick and the Angry Inch

**Author's Note:**

> 'A Schitt Year' is a weekly series of stand alone stories focusing on the relationship between David and Patrick from Schitt's Creek.  
> Prompts are welcome and encouraged because coming up with 56 stories on your own isn't easy!  
> All rating welcome. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> ***  
> Thank you to jcams88 for the prompt!

‘Do you have any idea what you've agreed to?’ David declared as he walked in the door of the store.

‘Excuse me?’ Patrick asked looking up from his laptop.

‘Really?’ David dropped his bag behind the curtain, ‘you agreed to to play Hedwig? You agreed to let Moira Rose direct you... again… as Hedwig?’ David exclaimed.

‘Yeah,’ Patrick shrugged, ‘she asked. I thought since she's had a really rough time since the Crows movie got shelved, this would cheer her up.’ David smiled, placing his hands on Patrick's shoulders.

‘You're too kind. You will hate this but I will be here to support you when she yells at you about wig care,’ David smiled.

‘Wig care?’ Patrick cocked his head.

‘Oh sweetie, you have no idea what you've just got yourself in to,’ David leaned in and kissed Patrick.

***

When Moira had come to see Patrick at his apartment the night before, his first thought was something had happened to David.  Why else would she be there, she'd never been to his apartment before.

But when she had declared she had cast him as the lead, without an audition she pointed out, and he had no choice but to accept.

Patrick loved performing and while he did enjoy his time as The Emcee he wondered if taking on a lead role while trying to run the store and plan a wedding was too much.

Moira assured him that he could handle it. That the performance would only go ahead with him as the lead. So he agreed. He knew how hard she had taken it finding out her film wouldn't be released. He'd seen David come in exhausted to work because he'd spent the night at the motel, trying to be supportive, only to be kept up all night with Moira's crying. He'd spoken to Moira when Johnny had managed to get her to the diner, only to be told how pointless small town existence was, Johnny only able to offer a sympathetic look in reply. He wanted to give her something else to focus her attentions on. And sure if a small part of him wanted to impress his soon to be mother-in-law so be it.

***

If Patrick thought rehearsals for Cabaret were intense he was shocked by what Moira demanded from him for Hedwig.

She wanted him to attend daily rehearsals, starting before the store closed. It seemed that she was pouring all her efforts into this play. Turning her grief for the Crows movie into passion for Hedwig.

And while Patrick attempted to go along with whatever she wanted he had to put his foot down.

'Mrs Rose. I can't leave the store early to get here every night. It's not fair on David,' Patrick tried to explain.

'Oh David's fine dear,' Moira brushed off his comment. And while Patrick knew it was technically true, David could count out the register as well as anyone, it wasn't fair. And Patrick wanted to be there.

'You knew I had other commitments Mrs Rose. I can leave work early one day a week. Otherwise I'm sorry it has to be after the store closes,' Patrick hoped she would accept that. He knew he wasn't the only cast member with this issue so he was speaking for more than himself.

Moira looked him up and down, almost as if she was deciding how far she could push.

'Fine. The rehearsals will start at 6 then,' Moira agreed.

'That's the other thing Mrs Rose. Rehearsals every night are a lot. I need some time at home… we all do,' Patrick ventured the second issue he had, 'David's been planning the wedding. I want to help. He's doing it all on his own. By the time I get home each night I'm too tired to help,' Patrick hoped the emotional connection would help.

'If David is capable of doing anything on his own, it's planning an event,' Moira waved her hand dismissively.

'I know that Mrs Rose,' Patrick tried to breath through his frustration, ' the truth is, he shouldn't have to do it alone. It's  _ our _ wedding. I want to be a part of it. And… and I miss him.' Patrick hasn't planned on saying the last part, it had just come out. Because it was the truth.

It had been two weeks since he'd had dinner with David. He wanted to see his fiance, more than just between customers at the store.

Moira looked at him, assessing what he said. Patrick looked nervously at his hands.

'Ok. Three nights a week. For now,' all of a sudden Patrick felt like he was speaking to Moira the mother not Moira the director, and he couldn't be more thankful.

'Thank you Mrs Rose,' Patrick smiled at her.

'Now, you better get going. I have a meeting with the choreographer,' and like that the director was back, but Patrick had got what he came for and left excitedly to see David.

***

‘I can't do this,’ Patrick exclaimed for about the twentieth time in as many minutes.

‘Yes you can. It's easy,’ Alexis strutted across the room again, ‘like this. Walk from your hips.’

Patrick stared down in frustration at the thick heeled boots he wore.

Walking in heels was not something he had thought about when agreeing to the role. And now after several days of trying and failing to practice alone he found himself in his apartment with his fiance's sister instructing him on the finer art of walking in heels.

‘Like I told Kendall Jenner at Frances Fashion Week, move from the hips, cross your feet as you walk,’ Alexis demonstrated once again.

‘My back hurts,’ Patrick said, rubbing his hand across his lower back.

‘That means you're doing it right. Now one more time. Sway your hips Patrick,’ Alexis stepped back to watch Patrick clumsily walk towards her again.

‘Eyes up,’ she ordered. Patrick wanted to scream and throw the shoes out the window.

Just then the door to the apartment opened. David stepped in and took in the scene before him.

‘What's going on here?’ he put his bag down.

‘I'm teaching Patrick to walk in heels,’ Alexis declared proudly.

‘Are you thought? Because right now he looks like a newborn lamb,’ David glanced down at Patrick's heeled feet, not totally hating what he saw.

‘I don't see why I can't just do the show in flat shoes,’ Patrick stated again.

‘Because that's the whole point,’ David replied, ‘Has she told you to sway your hips? You need to sway your hips.’

‘Oh my god David. That is literally the first thing I said,’ Alexis bit back at him.

‘Here,’ David stepped in behind Patrick and placed a hand on either side of his hips, thrilled for a moment how the heels made Patrick just slightly taller than David, ‘move with my hands.’ Patrick attempted to relax into the moment, ignore the scream of pain from his back and feet and focus on David, on his hands gently guiding his hips. It unfortunately wasn't as easy as he had hoped but by the end of the walk David and Alexis weren't completely disappointed with how he moved.

‘With a lot more practice you'll be fine. Even with your tree trunk legs,’ David gave Patrick's hips a squeeze before stepping back.

‘Thanks,’ Patrick grumbled.

‘Don't worry it won't be the most painful thing you have to do,’ Alexis spoke. Patrick raised his eyebrows.

‘For a start you need to cinch,’ David squeezed Patrick's waist.

'Cinch?' Patrick said wondering what the hell that meant.

‘And depending on the costume you might need to tuck. No one is going to believe you've had reassignment surgery,’ Alexis spoke. Patrick instantly went red, he stared at his feet.

‘Oh my god Alexis. Why are you still here?’ David snapped at her.

‘What? I have eyes David and anyway it's a compliment,’ Alexis grabbed her bag and headed towards the door.

‘Thanks for your help today Alexis,’ Patrick didn't look up to meet her gaze.

Once she was gone Patrick looked up and stared at David, 'please make sure your mother picks a costume I don't have to do that in.’

‘I'll do my best. Because Alexis isn't wrong. You are definitely too visible. And not that I'm complaining at all but that Emcee outfit left absolutely nothing to the imagination,’ David said causing Patrick to look horrified. David could only laugh. This was going to be an interesting play indeed.

***

'I'm trusting you with Delilah,' Moira tentatively handed Patrick the wig, 'I don't let just anyone wear my wigs.'

'I know. Thank you Mrs Rose,' Patrick touched the surprisingly soft wig. It -she- was blonde, past the shoulder in length and styled into loose waves.

'She's been with me for a long time, but I think she is appropriate for your role. Take a seat,' Moira indicated to the chair in front of her dresser. Patrick sat, Delilah resting in his lap.

'Because your hair is so short we'll need this,' Moira gently pulled on a skullcap that covered Patrick's hair. She pinned it into place expertly.

Patrick tried not to smile as Moira, his future mother-in-law, carefully fitted the wig, talking him through the key features of wig wearing and maintenance.

Patrick was sure that a huge part of this was focused on him not damaging the wig but he knew the fact that she trusted him with it at all was a sign of how she saw him.

Finally the wig was secured, Patrick pulled his attention back to his own reflection. The blonde hair suited his pale skin, the wig framing his face nicely.

Patrick looked at Moira’s reflection, standing proudly behind him.

‘Beautiful isn’t she?’ Moira placed her hands on his shoulders.

‘Yeah. It’s definitely different,’ Patrick touched the wig with reverence. A spark of excitement ran through Patrick as he thought about performing.

As Patrick smiled at Moira, the internal door swung open.

‘Why’s Patrick’s car outs… oh my god,’ David froze mid sentence in the doorway, his eyes wide with shock.

'Sweet Patrick is trying on Delilah,' Moira said as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Patrick blushed, looking at his hands.

David couldn't pull his eyes off his fiance. Button-up shirt wearing, midrange denim Patrick Brewer sat at his mother's dresser still wearing his usual jeans and blue sweater, looking entirely transformed wearing Delilah.

'Oh wow,' David said. But once Patrick looked up he recognised the look he was being given and blushed further in response.

'What do you think David? Think she'll assist Patrick in this transformative role?' Moira continued to preen over the wig, adjusting it slightly.

'Yeah… yeah I think that will work,' David nodded slowly, a small smile on his lips. Patrick was fairly sure David wasn’t talking about the play at all.

‘Your mom was just telling me about the wig maintenance. It sounds very involved,’ Patrick’s eyes darted between Moira and David.

‘David. You have some cursory knowledge about wig maintenance, perhaps you can instruct Patrick on how best to care for her. I am taking a risk trusting someone so inexperienced with her,’ Moira said.

‘Ahh, yeah… I… I can help,’ David’s eyes were screaming everything else but ‘wig maintenance’. Patrick had to turn away the look from David was so heated.

‘Thank you Mrs Rose. I’ve got all your notes. I’ll be careful. And have it… her… back tomorrow,’ Patrick said, smiling in the mirror to Moira. He knew that allowing him to wear the wig for one night to help get used to it was a big sign that she liked and trusted him.

Although from the look David was giving him, he wondering how much trouble they would be in tomorrow when they had to return the wig.

***

Because David had to spend so much time at the store with Patrick needing the time for rehearsals, he didn’t get an opportunity to see Patrick in costume before opening night.

‘You’ll love it,’ Patrick had said with a smile.

‘Can I have a photo though?’ David asked.

‘Nope,’ Patrick’s smile only grew.

So that was how David found himself sitting between Johnny and Stevie, who had managed to avoid Moira’s advances for her to join the cast. He fidgeted nervously in his seat as the lights dimmed. David glanced nervously at the stage, a wrecked car, that he was sure he had seen sitting out the front of Bob’s Garage for sale a few weeks prior, sitting left of stage.

‘Don’t worry he looked great,’ Stevie muttered.

‘He showed you a picture?’ David said slightly too loudly, earning him a shush from the crowd. Stevie only smirked and raised an eyebrow in reply as the music began.

When Patrick stepped onto the stage for the first time David thought he was going to pass out. Actually, he thought he had passed out and was experiencing some kind of fever dream that he never wanted to wake from.

Patrick strutted the stage, confident and beautiful. The blonde wig was styled away from his face, running long over his shoulders and back. He wore a ripped denim jacket, partially buttoned at the front, a short fringe skirt, fishnet stockings and black heeled boots. He wore heavy makeup, red lips and dark blue eyeshadow. Patrick in that outfit and wig straddled the line of masculine and feminine perfectly.

‘Oh my god,’ David muttered under his breath, he could feel heat rising through his body.

‘I told you,’ Stevie leaned close and whispered to him.

They turned their attention back to Patrick and the rest of the cast. For David, who had only met everyone else on stage a handful of times, his eyes focussed down to Patrick.

The man that he thought was straight when they first met. The man he would spend the rest of his life with, sang and danced his way sexily around the stage. David felt overwhelmed by how lucky he felt. And it was only the opening number.

***

As the first beats of  _ Sugar Daddy _ played across the stage David’s heart beat faster. He loved this song. He’d heard Patrick practising the song in the shower and was excited to see him perform it.

‘I’ve got a sweet tooth, for licorice drops and jelly rolls,’ Patrick sang, his voice filling the space beautifully. David’s smile broaded. Patrick moved around the stage, dancing as he went. He climbed onto the car, rocking his hips as he sang.  _ God, I love this man _ , David thought, pride swelling his chest. Patrick jumped from the car and fell to his knees.

‘Sugar daddy, bring me home,’ Patrick sung, he lifted his hips.  _ Fuck. My fiance is gorgeous _ , David’s smile transformed into a stare of desire.

‘...black designer underwear,’ he sang touching his ass suggestively. Stevie nudged David’s arm knowingly at the line.

Patrick stood, walking down the steps towards the crowd. David then remembered this part of the song.  _ The carwash _ , he thought as a moment jealousy washed over him for whomever Patrick would pick. David was in the second section, a wide row in front of him, but knew from the many times he had seen the play performed in New York it was always someone picked in the front, somewhere the actor would easily be able to get back on stage.

But Patrick kept walking, and singing, coming closer. David’s heart beat hard and fast in his chest as Patrick finally stopped before him. The other actors on stage sang louder as Patrick placed his hand on David’s shoulder and stepped up, a foot on the armrests on either side of David.

David breathed out a laugh of shock as he looked up at his fiance, absolutely glorious above him.

‘Everything you bring me, got me dripping like a honeycomb,’ David hands wrapping instinctively around Patrick’s thick legs, holding him firmly, keeping him balanced as he began to thrust his hips as he sung.

‘If you’ve got some sugar for me, Sugar daddy, bring it home,’ Patrick glanced down at David, in both a very familiar and oddly foreign position, between his legs. David looked up at him smiling, eyes dark with desire. The fringe of the shirt brushing his face.

‘It’s called a carwash,’ Patrick shouted as he tossed his head back, running his fingers through David’s hair.  _ Holy shit _ , David thought to himself.

As quickly as he had climbed up Patrick jumped down. As he sung he leaned forward and kissed David briefly, then turned and walked back through the crowd.

Stevie pushed him roughly in the shoulder, ‘holy shit,’ she laughed, echoing David’s thoughts exactly. David watched Patrick make his way back towards the stage.

David knew any eyes that weren’t on Patrick were on him right at that moment, so he couldn’t reach down and adjust the uncomfortably tight feeling in his jeans.

***

David felt tears run down is face later in the play when Patrick sung about rejection. He conveyed the emotions so truly that for a moment David forgot Patrick’s past. As Patrick turned away from the crowd, the song being taken over by another performer, David wondered if Patrick was thinking about his life before Schitt’s Creek, about his life before he came out, even to himself.

David glanced sideways at Stevie, who was subtly trying to wipe a tear away.

Patrick turned back to the crowd, wiping his hands down the black dress he now wore, his eyes downcast. David knew it was an act, but he wanted to run to Patrick and pull him into his arms.

***

When Patrick stood with the rest of the cast taking his final bow, wearing nothing by a pair of incredibly tight leather boxer briefs that clearly showed that the storyline about reassignment surgery was a lie and a questionable amount of glitter covering his body, David thought he was going to explode. Over the prior hour and a half, David had laughed, cried and been incredibly turned on by his fiance. But as Hedwig disappeared and it became Patrick standing on stage, smiling broadly, laughing with relief that the show had gone well, David felt awash with emotion. He looked at his fiance and felt desire burn. For what felt like the hundredth time since the play started, David adjusted himself in his seat, trying to subtly press down on his crotch willing his erection to go down. 

With a final wave the cast, Patrick included disappeared from the stage and the lights slowly came back up.

‘That was amazing. Your mother really has a knack for turning these community shows into something spectacular,’ Johnny beamed forever proud of his wife, ‘Patrick was very impressive too,’ he added.

‘Yeah. It was…’ David struggled to find the words, mainly because the blood flow of his body was entirely preoccupied.

‘It was great. But you wriggled the whole way through David,’ Stevie said with a knowing smile. David opened his mouth to argue but Johnny got in first.

‘David the seats aren’t that uncomfortable. It was very distracting,’ Johnny scowled slightly completely unaware of the truth, thankfully.

‘Ok well. I… I have a bad back,’ David threw out the first come back he could think of. Johnny was standing and moving away from them, clearly excited to greet his wife.

‘You coming David? Or do you and your bad back need a minute,’ Stevie stood looking down at him. The conversation had somewhat helped to lessen the tightness in his pants, but he was still didn’t want a knowing Stevie to watch him as he stood.

‘I’ll be right behind you, thank you for your concern,’ David smiled sarcastically. Stevie just turned and followed after Johnny.

***

It took every ounce of David’s control to not pounce on Patrick the second he saw him. He had washed most of the makeup off his face and now wore his more classically Patrick clothes, jeans and a blue sweater.

‘You were incredible,’ David whispered after he pulled back from a too short kiss.

‘Thanks,’ Patrick smiled, running his arm around David’s waist.

‘You need to bring those leather boxer briefs home by the way,’ David muttered against Patrick’s ears. Patrick blushed in reply.

‘I---I can arrange that,’ Patrick stumbled. Their moment was broken as more people approached to congratulate Patrick on his performance. He was definitely the man of the hour.

No matter how many people swarmed around him though, Patrick always kept David within arms reach, stepping back to stand beside his fiance. David couldn’t help but smile with how natural and unconscious Patrick’s movement back to him were. How he reached out to grasp David by the hand or run his arm around his waist at any opportunity, bringing David into the conversation when other people had crowded him out.

Finally though the crowd thinned and Patrick leaned against David, exhausted.

‘All I want to do is go home,’ Patrick mumbled against David’s neck.

‘And what do you want to do there?’ David asked, feeling his arousal growing again as he noticed the glitter stuck to Patrick’s skin.

‘Use the last of my energy on you then sleep for about twelve hours,’ Patrick kissed David’s neck softly.

‘That can be arranged,’ David smiled and taking Patrick’s hand slowly they began making their way to the door, saying goodbye to people as they went.

‘Remember David, glitter spreads,’ Stevie shouted after them as they stepped out the door.

‘What the f---,’ the door shut before he could reply. She was probably right though because he knew that under that sweater, Patrick was covered in glitter and David did not have the patience to wait while he washed it off.

David mentally accepted that they would be finding glitter everywhere in their apartment for the foreseeable future but, glancing at Patrick as they climbed into the car, it was a small price to pay for having as thoughtful and sexy fiance as he did.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this fic comments and/or kudos are much appreciated. I'd love to know your thoughts!  
> If you have any prompts for the future please comment below or contact me on Tumblr at @stargatewars


End file.
